Overcoming Divorce

Hey family...

I just got out of bed to write this because it was burning inside of me to go and write it out. I'm writing this to all of the folks who have ever been through a divorce. I have. Multiple times. It has caused me such great damage that I'm still a work in progress on the road to healing. My prayer is that this short read will be something you'll pass along to friends and family that need encouragement surrounding divorce.

For me, divorce was the FRUIT of a deep ROOT of abandonment. My father left the family when I was less than a year old and never came back. It sent a message to me that I was unloved and unwanted. It colored every relationship I've ever had. I had never seen a husband-wife relationship in my home. I had no blueprint from which to get a plan on how to do love. Abandonment FRAMED how I saw myself, how I saw others, how I handled conflict, and how I perceived love from others. Ultimately, divorce is the product of selfishness and a lack of understanding of how oneness works. Soooooo, here's what I'm led to say about divorce to anyone reading this.

#1. It hurts deeply. If untreated, it'll lead to irreparable harm that will bleed into every area of your life. It changes everything about how you view the world. Trust is shattered. Loneliness sets in. Resentment sets in. You begin to doubt almost everything about yourself in ways that could cause you to "table" your dreams and aspirations. It is literally the ripping of your psyche that has to be addressed in order for you to ever be the healthy person you once were. I went to therapy. It helped me to unwrap the chords that held me emotionally and caused me to not step into rooms as my strongest self. I've met so many men who have been through divorce, and it's shaken their faith to the point that without a significant emotional event, they'll never put themselves in a position to ever love and marry again. 

#2. The shame of divorce works to destroy your credibility. People literally see you different. They whisper about you and make comments aimed at "silencing" you forever. I believe divorce is an attack on the kingdom and government of God. It's a setup and trap that most couples never seem to recognize. The enemy of God knows that once he severs a marriage in your life, you will think twice about everything else, or you'll throw yourself into work, alcohol, drugs, and illicit sex, seeking validation that only comes from God. Christ came to free us all. He drank the cup of sin for every sin imagineable. Divorce was in that cup. Your divorce was in that cup. You're forgiven. You can have a fresh start. The same energy it takes to quit is the same energy it takes to start.

#3. God can make all things new for you. All you have to do is allow him to do it. Stop running from the uncomfortable feelings that arise around discussions of divorce. You experienced it for a reason. Learn from that experience and go help people. I met the greatest girl, and now she's my wife. She's been a great blessing to me concerning marriage and how to navigate it. I see it differently now. I'm no longer living on the edge and stressed during difficult days. I've learned to disagree without thinking they're going to leave, take my money, and shame me. Don't sweat what others say. People can have been married for 20+ years and cheated on, slandered, disrespected, and despised one another the entire time, having never learned what the covenant was about at all.

I'm not trying to get you married. I'm trying to get you healed so you can go and live out HIS best life for you. Your DESTINY will always win over your HISTORY if you allow it. Find a Bible-preaching and teaching church. Get up under the word of God. Find a therapist who can help you FACE the root of your relationship issues. Hang around men and women who respect marriage and won't allow you to disrespect it. Get back on the saddle and work toward your dreams again. Too much time has passed. People need the lessons God is calling you to give. Just because you went through a divorce doesn't mean you can't do anything. The SAME God who sent a five-time divorced woman to a well, quenched her thirst, and sent her to preach to Samaria can do the same thing for you...

I love you. Let's connect. We have work to do.

#PastorFrank