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Domestic violence against men isn't always easy to identify, but it can be a serious threat. Know how to recognize if you're being abused or how to recognize if someone you love is being abused— and how to get help.

Abusive relationships always involve an imbalance of power and control. An abuser uses intimidating, hurtful words and behaviors to control his or her partner.

It might not be easy to recognize domestic violence against men. Early in the relationship, your partner might seem attentive, generous, and protective in ways that later turn out to be controlling and frightening. Initially, the abuse might appear as an isolated incident. Your partner might apologize and promise not to abuse you again. According to Mayo Clinic, you might be experiencing domestic violence if your partner:

  • Calls you names, insults you or puts you down

  • prevents you from needed community interactions or activities

  • isolates you from family members or friends

  • attempts to control how you spend money, where you go or what you wear

  • Acting jealous or possessive or constantly accusing you of being unfaithful

  • Gets angry when drinking alcohol or using drugs

  • Attempts to control whether you can see a healthcare provider

  • Threatens you with violence or a weapon

  • Hits, kicks, shoves, slaps, chokes or otherwise hurt you, your children, or your pets

  • Touches your personal and private physical area; attempting to force you to have sex or engage in sexual acts against your will

  • “It’s your fault,” for his or her violent behavior or tells you that you deserve it

Threatens to “out you” to friends, family, colleagues, or community members if you're (LGBTQ+), you might also be experiencing domestic violence if you're in a relationship with someone who:

  • Tells you that authorities won't help a gay, bisexual, or transgender person

  • Tells you that leaving the relationship means you're admitting that gay, bisexual, or transgender relationships are unacceptable anyway.

  • Justifies abuse by telling you that you're not "really" gay, bisexual, or transgender

  • Says that men are naturally violent

You may have developed unhealthy behaviors. Many survivors do. That doesn't mean you are at fault for the abuse.

If you're having trouble identifying what's happening, take a step back to see the bigger picture, the patterns in your relationship. Don’t ignore the signs of domestic violence. In an abusive relationship, the person who routinely uses these behaviors is the abuser. The person on the receiving end is being abused. This will help you figure out what position you’re in.

Even if you're still not sure, seek help. Intimate partner violence causes physical and emotional damage — no matter who is at fault. The importance of seeking help after experiencing the trauma of domestic violence or abuse cannot be understated. Whether you are a man or a woman, you deserve the same love and support that anyone does, and that comes from seeking help fromwhat ails you. You need to take that step, in order to recover and move forward as a healthier and stronger individual. Here are some available resources to get help:

Some of you may have heard of the next two organizations. An update: As of October 6, 2022 they have joined to become one organization.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline and The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. This organization offers highly-trained advocates available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to talk confidentially with anyone experiencing domestic violence, seeking resources or information, or questioning unhealthy aspects of their relationship. Find a safe place, call 911 using a friend’s phone, or using a friend’s computer--click on the above link or call 1. 800.799.SAFE (7233).

There also are resources dedicated specifically to helping male survivors of domestic violence and abuse. Male Survivor has created a community of survivors and offers a wide range of resources, dedicated to helping men who have survived this trauma. Click on either of the above links for more information. 

Stop Abuse for Everyone offers resources and education for those who are coping with the challenges associated with being in a violent or abusive relationship. The importance of seeking help after experiencing the trauma of domestic violence or abuse cannot be understated. 

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R.E.A.L - Adult Engagement Ministry